Saturday, July 11, 2009

Arrange marriage

बस, दुशवार हैं किसी काम का आसाँ होना
आदमी को भी मएस्सर नहीं हैं इन्सान होना
-Mirza
I know a young lady. In fact,we know each other for last five years.I don't know what she thinks about me ,but i have profound affinity and deep love for her. I met her once also.Today she called me.I asked her two questions. "Do you think that you will be happy with me"? Her answer was 'yes'."If your father don't agree then do you have courage to oppose him"?Her answer was clear 'No'. However, I know her father will never agree.Also, she is not matured enough to take it seriously.I asked this just sake of curiosity.We have a simple platonic friendship.
I think her answers were confusing ,in fact in many ways contradictory too.Her answers raised many questions in my mind. We are young and educated people. But we can't decide what's good and bad for us. We can choose Prime Minister of the nation ,but we can't choose life partner for us.Society(parents) decides with whom we should form family,generally society(parents) considers caste , creed, money, social status ,physical beauty while taking its decision and disregards human values totally.
We live in a very confused society. It gives a constitution,but when we follow the constitution society says,young man you have gone too far.If Rajiv Gandhi marry someone so called 'outsider'
it accepts ,even ready to give future of nation in her hands.However, it does not apply same yardstick to a common man's son.
Few months back, my elder cousin got married. He is a judicial magistrate in lower court. My uncle is a very experienced lawyer. I know that huge sum of money was paid as dowry to my brother.Isn't it amazing a judge is taking dowry? Dowry is so prevalent in our society ,if everybody get punished of this heinous act,almost entire population of this nation will be in jail!

My fellow young man and woman ,look, what type of society we got from our parents. They have given us a rotten, degraded society to live in.They will not allow us to be creative and constructive. They will never allow us bring Olympic gold medals or win noble prize. They live their life in lowest possible potential with their rigid attitude.Friends,they are not our owner,they are just medium through which we came to this world. We are ready to give them their due for this,but not at cost of our dignity.
Socrates,the great Greek philosopher believed that the ability to distinguish between right and wrong lies in the people's reason and not in society.So ,friends apply your reasons so that something fundamental changes in our society,So that future generations feel proud that they have a beautiful society to live in.A Society which provides fullest support to their creative potential.A society which respects its own law. A society which respects human value.A society which works for welfare of whole humanity.
Let us start from one of fundamental unit of our society i,e family.Generally, in India arrange marriage is norm. No one see any flaw in this system. But in my view this system is the origin of many ills in our society.It is the origin of corruption, female foeticide,domestic violence ,dowry ,death related to dowry, caste-ism.Moreover,it hampers our capability of taking responsibility.It makes us believe in fate,where there is no meaning of 'choice and decision'.
Arrange marriage is basic character of rural agricultural society. In earlier times it was not possible for young men and women to get contact with people out side of their village. Sometimes they get the chance but for few moments like village fair,pilgrimage . That was not enough to develop any type of friendship or prospective relationship.Then only possibility remains that their marriage get arranged.And we 'manufactured' whole set of values and culture around this. And our society is still carrying those 'manufactured' values and culture!. Last century witnessed fundamental change in technology and economy.Now, we,young man and woman work in same office ,we study together , we share our problems. We are enjoying relative freedom.We are producing wealth for the nation. Our life style changed fundamentally.We are now part of global village of six billion people not small village of two or three hundred people.Then,this system of arranged marriage is thrust upon us,just because of we don't have courage to oppose our parents' wish due to our emotional bond with them. It might be the case that our parents may not be educated enough to digest change.Whatever be the case, we should oppose this unfair system.
Arrange marriage is "un-natural" too. Nature has made inbuilt mechanism in our genes that whenever we choose our mate,there is maximum possible difference in our gene and our mate.This way nature makes our gene pool strong and disease resistant. Arrange marriage directly interferes with this natural process.Thus according to nature's mechanism we must choose our partner without any influence of other persons.
Arrange marriage devalues us from homosapiens to other animals.Basic premise of arranged marriage is that if put any man and woman together,they will live together just because their sexual requirement. Think carefully, we are now animals like dogs,donkey; certainly not homosapiens.
Arrange marriage goes against law also. According to Indian Penal code,any young lady of eighteen or more years old and any young man of twenty one or more years old can marry. There is no clause or section attached that it needs society or parents consent.
Now, friends,first time in the history, we are in position that we can change our destiny and destiny of future generations.
THROW AWAY THIS OUTDATED SYSTEM.

I will take another issue next time........ please comment ........
Note- Last time i got comments that i wrote in very abstruse English. This time i tried my best to keep things simple...................
Keep smiling............................................................................................................................................

4 comments:

Unknown said...

I heartly congratulate you for your effort to raise a sociel issue which of course a prime factor for many bad practices preveling in our society. I must appriciate your thought but at the same time we should also not ignore the other dark aspect of marriage not supported by family members, where many kids are deprived from the love and affection of their parents and grand parents. Their parents are so busy in their own world created by themselves that they have no time for their kids. They thought they can brought any thing for their kids by money. Money is every thing for them. But infact they are wrong in my opinion. Money is necessary but not every thing. It is not possible to change the whole senario in a minuate or an hour. It takes at least a generation to change our mind set if we decide to change it from right now by keeping intact some good things and throwing away evil things like cast, religion, etc. At last I would like to congratulate you again for your effort and waiting for your next post. Have a nice day. By..

avinash said...

hi Avinash..I have the following opinion regarding ur column
pls check it..:


This column is the image of our society which is itself the victim of "FRUSTRATION & CORRUPTION".Our old generation is treating us the same way as they were treated in there younger days. We are needed to break this chain. This society is hidden within the blanket of "fabricated morals".Under this blanket it hides its weakness. This weakness is running in the veins of society.
But let us take it as a responsibility to make them (Guardian and others) to understand the importance of "freedom of expression" which is the ultimate source of self satisfaction and happiness. Don't let anyone to rule your life.

i got this comment from my friend...his email-vishal5981@gmail.com

avinash said...

sanjeev ji.....
In your comment you said,"at the same time we should also not ignore the other dark aspect of marriage not supported by family members, where many kids are deprived from the love and affection of their parents and grand parents."
we should not ignore reason and ethics in favor of love and affection.My whole point is that we should be agree to disagree with them,certainly not disassociate with them.
your second point is,"It is not possible to change the whole senario in a minuate or an hour. It takes at least a generation to change our mind set."
Tell me which generation ,its genuine problem of our generation , we should not leave it for next generation.we have already passed many massive problems for next generation to solve like climate change,terrorism,war,divided humanity,poverty.We are already guilty of dereliction of duty in the eyes of future generation.At least,we should strive to give them a caring and loving society,so that they can face the challenges.

Thanks for you honest comment .
take care.......

Dr. Rahul Kumar said...

BAAP RE BAAP.....